17 Funny Pirate Jokes and Comics

Your mateys will yo ho ho with these funny pirate jokes sent in by Scout Life readers. Do you know a funny joke? Click here to send it to us.

Pat: What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?
Jerry: I don’t know. What?
Pat: A pirate buries his treasure, but a cranberry farmer treasures his berries.

Submitted by Patricia J., Warrens, Wis.

A pirate and a sailor were exchanging stories. The sailor pointed to the pirate’s peg leg and asked, “How did you get that?”

The pirate said, “Aye, I wrestled a shark and lost me leg.”

The sailor pointed to the pirate’s hook and asked, “How did you get that?”

The pirate said: “Aye, I fought Red Beard’s crew and lost me hand.”

The sailor pointed to the pirate’s eye patch and asked, “How did you get that?”

The pirate said, “Aye, a bird came by and left droppings in me eye.”

The sailor said, “That’s not as impressive as the other two. …”

“Aye,” the pirate answered. “It was me first day with the hook.”

Submitted by Gregory W., Newark, N.Y.

Comic by Scott Masear

Tyler: How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced?
Ryan: A buccaneer.

Submitted by Tyler S., Pleasant Grove, Utah

A book never written: “How to Be a Pirate” by Rob N. Plunder.

Submitted by Austin H., Scappoose, Ore.

A book never written: “Pirate Gold” by Barry D. Treasure.

Submitted by Anthony P., Watkinsville, Ga.

Comic by Jon Carter

Jim: Why can’t pirates learn the alphabet?
Bo: I haven’t a clue.
Jim: Because they spend years at “C”!

Submitted by Sailesh K., Bernardsville, N.J.

A book never written: Pirate Treasure” by Barry Moore.

Submitted by Caleb C., Hermitage, Tenn.

Liam: How much does it cost to buy corn from a pirate?
Chris: How much?
Liam: A buccaneer.

Submitted by Liam F., Williamsport, Penn.

Comic by Jon Carter

Max: What did one pirate say to the other?
Ben: What?
Max: “I sea you!”

Submitted by Maximillian M., Amery, Wis.

Robert: Why couldn’t the pirate crew play cards?
Patrick: Beats me.
Robert: Because the captain was standing on the deck!

Submitted by Patrick D., San Francisco, Calif.

Nathaniel: What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
Seth: R? I mean, Arrrrr!
Nathaniel: No. It be the C!

Submitted by Nathaniel W., Camarillo, Calif.

Comic by Jon Carter

A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man with an eyepatch running around and waving his arms wildly.

“Captain,” one passenger asks, “who is that man over there?”

“I have no idea,” the captain says, “but he goes nuts every year when we pass him.”

Submitted by Kyoji M., Cheswick, Pa.

Julian: Why do pirates have a longer alphabet than we do?
Kyle: I’m stumped.
Julian: Because they have seven C’s!

Submitted by Julian D., Philadelphia, Penn.

Do you know some funny pirate jokes? Send it to us!