35 Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes and Comics

Everyone loves a joke. Even if you’re not into love, romance and all that kissy stuff, you’ll still love to laugh at these funny Valentine’s Day jokes and comics.

Do you know a funny Valentine’s Day joke? Click here to send your joke to us.

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Monroe: What did the trailer and the truck do after they fell in love on Valentine’s Day?
Amanda: What?
Monroe: They got hitched.

Joke by Monroe L., Greensboro, North Carolina

A book never written: “Guide to Love” by Val N. Tines.

Joke by Grant W., Pittsburgh, Pa.

Comic by Scott Nickel

A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each year. If he didn’t speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words and so on.

One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady. He refrained from speaking for two whole years so he could call her “my darling.” But then he wanted to tell her he loved her, so he waited three more years.  At the end of these five years, he wanted to ask her to marry him, so he waited another four years.  Finally, as the ninth year of silence ended, he led the lady to the most romantic place in the kingdom and said, “My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?”  And the lady said, “Pardon?”

Joke by Vincent F., Manchester, Mo.

Comic by Scott Nickel

Zach: What did one flame say to the other on Valentine’s Day?
Scott: Tell me.
Zach: “We’re a perfect match.”

Joke by Zachery S., Washington, Ill.

Brandon: Where does Cupid always sit?
Charlie: Tell me.
Brandon: His love seat.

Joke by Brandon G., Bremerton, Wash.

Comic by Scott Nickel

Two antennae met on a roof, fell in love and got married. Their wedding ceremony wasn’t fancy. The reception, however, was excellent.

Joke by Travis R. G.

Everett: Why couldn’t the calendar work late on Valentine’s Day?
Emily: Why?
Everett: It had a date.

Joke by Everett F., Irvine, California

Comic by Scott Nickel

“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods. He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.

Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to marry.”

“Why?” asked the man, smiling.

“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!” she replied.

Joke by Matthew D., Andover, Mass.

Comic by Harley Schwadron

A book never written: “Avoiding Valentine’s Day” by I.M.N. Love.

Joke by Josh G., Portland, Ore.

Ben: What did the toast say to the butter on Valentine’s Day?
Chris: I’m stumped.
Ben: “You’re my butter half!”

Joke by Ben G., Bethlehem, Penn.

Comic by Scott Nickel

Tom Swiftie: “Let’s make our own Valentines,” Tom said craftily.

Joke by Kevin A., Winston-Salem, N.C.

William: Why is it so easy for Scouters to get married?
Dan: Why?
William: Because they know so many ways to tie the knot.

Joke by William D., Brentwood, Tenn.

Comic by Scott Nickel

Tom Swiftie: “She tore my valentine in half!” said Tom half-heartedly.

Joke by Alexander V., Hamden, Conn.

Jacqueline: Where do artists exhibit their Valentine’s Day pictures?
Stephen: Tell me.
Jacqueline: At heart galleries.

Joke by Jacqueline S., Moline, Illinois

Comic by Scott Nickel

A woman was taking a nap on Valentine’s Day afternoon. After she awoke, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a gorgeous and expensive diamond necklace for Valentine’s Day! What do you think it means?”

“You’ll know tonight,” he said.

That evening, her husband came home with a small package for her. Thrilled, she opened it and found a book titled “The Meaning of Dreams.”

Joke by Michael J., West Simsbury, Conn.

Will: Why do oars fall in love?
Eric: Why?
Will: Because they’re row-mantic.

Joke by Will A., Nashville, Tenn.

Comic by Scott Nickel

A Cub Scout found a frog that said, “Kiss me and I will become a beautiful princess.”

The boy studied the frog, then put it in his pocket.

“Hey,” the frog croaked, “how come you didn’t kiss me?”

“I’d rather have a talking frog than a princess any day!”

Joke by Brad S., San Antonio, Tex.

Ben: Why do skunks love Valentine’s Day?
Stuart: I don’t know.
Ben: Because they’re scent-imental creatures!

Joke by Ben G., Bethlehem, Penn.

Comic by Scott Nickel

I just got a text from my girlfriend that said, “I bought you an awesome Valentine’s Day gift! xox”

I really hope she spelled “Xbox” wrong.

Joke by Kyle W., Farmington, N.M.

Felix: What did the light bulb say to the other light bulb on Valentine’s Day?
Sam: I have no clue.
Felix: “I love you watts and watts!”

Joke by Felix S., Miami, Fla.

Comic by Scott Nickel

Craig: Why do melons have to get married in churches?
Joe: Why?
Craig: Because they cantaloupe!

Joke by August R., Bridgeville, Pa.

Lizzie: Did you hear about the two bed bugs who fell in love?
Sophie: Not sure I want to.
Lizzie: They’re getting married in the spring!

Joke by Lizzie L., Buena Vista, Co.

Comic by Scott Nickel

Justin: What did the boy candy say to the girl candy?
John: I haven’t a clue.
Justin: “It’s Valentine’s Day and we’re mint for each other.”

Joke by Justin R., Hampton Falls, N.H.

Dawson: What do pigs give on Feb. 14?
Brad: I don’t know.
Dawson: Valen-swines!

Joke by Dawson M., Detroit, Mich.
Comic by Daryll Collins

Comic by Thomas Toons

Tobin: What happened to your leg?
Matt: I went to a seafood dance on Valentine’s Day.
Tobin: And?
Matt: I pulled a mussel!

Joke by Matt K., Omaha, Neb.

Comic by Scott Nickel

Ben: What did one magnet say to the other magnet on Valentine’s Day?
Finn: I have no idea. What?
Ben: “I find you very attractive!”

Joke by Ben M., Doylestown, Pa.

DOWNLOAD A FREE POCKET JOKE BOOK!

Print and fold your own pocket joke book, filled with great Valentine’s Day jokes!
• Download the joke book (PDF)
• Folding instructions

Do you know a funny Valentine’s Day joke? Click here to send your joke to us.